The Blunders and Burdens of Being a Bouncing BBW

I have made a conscious decision to skip my run tomorrow evening.

[Ducks and covers to avoid thrown shoes]

Excuse me, but I still have to clean out the old apartment and I've been delaying too much already. Some things can wait (running). Some things cannot (cleaning to avoid extra expense). And who throws a shoe? Honestly?

Anyway, since I'm skipping my workout, I figured I'd punish myself by writing one of my "I'll tell you about that later" blog entries.

Today's topic? Boobs.

Do I have your attention now?

As I've mentioned before, I'm a BBW -- a big-breasted woman, as I believe we called it in my high school color guard.

(Yes, color guard. I know. Later. Now, focus. Don't make me type, italicize, bold, and enlarge the "B" word again.)

We're talking big. Like, break-your-own-nose-if-you-run-without-proper-support big. It's relatively hard to tell when you look at me because my stomach and fat rolls #1a through #4c, combined with my chest, make my torso look like a lumpy box instead of a top-heavy light bulb. Which speaks to the size of my stomach and rolls, because I have really broad shoulders too. (I'm painting a really pretty picture of myself, aren't I?)

This is all relevant, I swear.

Back in February, my friend Anne wrote about the challenges of finding a good, supportive sports bra if your chesty and active. (Feel free to check out the entry over at thefitbridesmaid.) And it is challenging! I remember being very young and being frustrated with the beating my chest would take from running the bases at softball or up and down the basketball court or in gym class. It didn't help that I developed at an extremely young age (one of the side effects of being an overweight child) and was surrounded by girls my age who had chests flatter than Clay Aiken's. My mom did buy me sports bras, but not great ones -- just whatever was cheapest and they didn't help much. Not her fault. The bouncing still hurt and looked ridiculous.

I think it was at the end of high school when I finally decided to start wearing two of them at once to try to tame the beasts. That helped, but I was embarassed when someone asked me why I wore two. At that time I didn't have the attitude I have now and didn't think to say, "Because I'm a whole 'lotta woman, little girl! I bet you don't have to wear one at all, do you?" Ha! Nah, I don't even have the guts to say that out loud now. In my head, it's a different story.

But the day finally came when I discovered the miracle bra. I wish I could remember how I found it. I don't know if it was a friend's recommendation or Oprah that pointed me to Enell . These are full-coverage, fugly bras for BBWs and beyond. (Okay, I think I just invented a future lingere shop name, right there. Copyrighted ... you can't steal it now!)

No, they aren't one bit attractive; they cover your front from your collar bone to your belly button practically. They're only moderately comfortable; they're made to be really, really tight to batten down the hatches. And they're expensive! Well, expensive as far as sports bras go, anyway.

But I couldn't care less. When I put that puppy on, not only am I fully secured and virtually bounceless when I run, but I'm very nearly Clay Aiken flat, which I haven't been since second grade.

So why am I telling you all this? Because everyone likes to read about boobs, right? Riiiight.

[Cue the inspirational music and wind machine while I step up on my podium]

Actually, it's because I want you all to know. I want you to know, in case you don't experience it first hand, that there are some additional challenges involved with being an active BBW. I want you to know about Enell bras so that you can spread the word. I want you to be able to console the next struggling, burgeoning little girl you come across and I want you to tell her that there's hope. She can do whatever she wants to do and she doesn't have to be embarassed by her bouncing bosoms.

[Crescendo music, shots of hopeful BBWs.]

She can run, she can jump, she can lock 'em and load 'em and reach for the stars. I want you to help me empower her!

[Wide shot of cheering crowd. And, scene.]

Are you crying yet, because I just welled up a little. Sniff.

Do you feel more educated? Or more violated? Do you have experience in this area? If so, I'd love to hear your words of wisdom, as I'm sure other readers will.

Okay, so, future run TBD. Moving madness should decrease significantly after this weekend, but will not be complete until April 30. Maybe I'll try to run before cleanup on Friday, or Saturday morning? Bah!