Phoenix Rising?

It may be overly dramatic to say so, but I felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes this morning. The ashes of a big, nasty, dark running burnout.

That's where I've been for the past two weeks. In a pit of "I hate running, I want nothing to do with it again, I'm ready to get fat and be happy, leave me alone."

Okay, that's not entirely true. I still wanted to talk about running and hear how everyone was doing with it. But I have been in a seemingly bottomless burnout pit. I think it was the same thing that happened in the coldest part of this winter. The part where I realized I had to force myself to stop for a while, when I was riddled with guilt and self-loathing for nearly a month because I didn't want to even think about running again. The weather made it so challenging then, and I think that's what helped the downfall this time. That plus the knee and back pain that had been increasing slowly since the friggin' Pig.

So I rested. I willingly stopped running for a while. I took care of my back and knees (rather, my wonderful chiropractor, Dr. Allen Homan of Homan Chiropractic took care of my back and therefore my knees), I had fun with friends, I went tubing and attempted water skiing, I soaked up some sun at the pool, and I ate very poorly. It was all for the sake of recovering, of course.

Turns out it worked. I needed it. My body was tired and things were giving up on me. And, as it turns out, it happens to lots of runners. In this article from Runner's World -- Falling in Love Again -- the author talks about how maintaining a running relationship requires the same care as real relationships: communication, respect, spontaneity, romance, quality time, flexibility and appreciation. Me and running, you see, we got a little too intense and needed a break. I was abusing a lot of these things and, as a result, got big fat burnt out.  The author says, "The initial thrill of the beginning runner inevitably fades. You can't stay gaga forever. The good news is that beneath the infatuation is something even better, more mature, and ultimately more rewarding-a love that will sustain you for years to come."

Holler!  So true! Here's another one that sings the praises of taking a break when you need it:

Take a Break for Peak Performance.

That magazine is so helpful.

So why, after reading these articles and even going through this burnout once before, was it such a shock to me and so difficult to come to terms with when it happened again? Why couldn't I just let it be and take a vacay?

I'm not entirely sure, but I think it has something to do with the fear of not wanting to and/or being able to start again. I felt so completely over running that I didn't want to do it again and was petrified that I never would.

But I did.

I had been gently telling myself that I was going to start running again yesterday. That didn't happen. Shocker. Then I saw a lump of fat that had diminished over the last year of running beginning to make its home again on a part of my body that I was growing particularly proud of. But what about the scale? Oh, you know, I'm at a record low, one pound lower than my previous low. So, a returning lump of fat and a decreased number on the scale? EEEEEK!  I'm losing muscle at an alarming rate!

So essentially, my gentle-nudging return-to-running plan turned into an "OHMIGOD I HAVE TO START NOW OR THE FAT WILL CONTINUE TO MULTIPLY" plan.

The panic plan worked better.

I ran this morning. I got up at 7 a.m., ate a half piece of toast, drank some green tea and a bunch of water, and got to Armleder at 8:30 a.m.I was sweating sitting in my car. A half hour after I started, my Weather Channel app said it was 83 degrees with 75% humidity and a dew point of 74.

Gross.

Whatever, it didn't matter. I was there to sweat. And I had just downloaded a new album on my way to the park as a sort of reward and I was ready to rock out to some new running music (Foster the People ... super fun). I set my timer for 30 minutes, got a pebble out of my shoe, turned up the tunes, and set off.

To continue on the overly dramatic theme I started with the title of this post, m first few running steps were euphoric.

I was overjoyed.
I felt weightless.
I was practically bounding.
I kid you not, I almost cried. (And I can't even blame hormones.)

What the heck? How? Why? Can resting really have this kind of effect? Chyeah it can!

Don't get me wrong, it was still running and it was still hard. I was still drenched in sweat and I still got tired. But nothing hurt. My breathing was good (better than I expected on such a humid morning). My muscles were ready to rock and they carried me an entire mile before I took my first walk break.

To add to the magic of the moment, two bucks (complete with a small set of--er--horns?) went bounding across my path and through the fields at Armleder during the first 5 minutes of the run. Cue the symphony, please.

Not surprisingly, considering it had been two weeks since I last ran, my body started to protest at 20 minutes and at 25, I called it a run. I took a little walk to the river to take in the sights and sounds, and to snap some pictures, but I was done. Return to running -- success.

So I'm ready to start running again. And I'm actually kind of looking forward to being in the heat. I keep thinking about some of the hottest running days last year at TQL. (Here's a post about TQL with PICTURES!) Yeah, it was hot and all, but I could do it. Sometimes sweating feels good. Sometimes.

Anyway, I leave you with this, quite possibly my favorite running quote by some dude (I have no idea who he is) and some pictures from today (sorry they're dark ... iPhone + morning light + iamnotaphotographer).

"Run because you love it. If you don't, learn to love it. Running will bring things into your life that you could never imagine." 

- Scott Jurek

The entrance to Armleder.

Yay morning light!

Lots of birdhouses = lots of pretty birds. A mockingbird lives in the chimney of the shelter there. LOVE IT!

The path leading to the Little Miami River. These plants were all flattened like two months ago from all the flooding. I love how quickly they rebounded!

Shot from the car. Already sweating.

The Little Miami River. I'm not outdoorsy enough to venture down the steep hill and through the bushes to get closer. Sorry.

More river.

I Had Wings ... And Not The Kind For Soaring

Just a quick update tonight. Okay, at least I'll try to be quick. We all know how that goes.

I ran yesterday. I actually spent the day being bitter about my inability to go to the pool when I wanted to. It was supposed to be rainy all day, so the plan to do laundry and bake didn't seem like such a bad one when I scheduled it. Too bad it didn't rain and all those things still needed to be done ... inside ... not at the pool.

Well, I got over it. I finished all my "chores" and still had time for an evening run.

It was hot, y'all. Summer is here.

But, at 7 p.m., it wasn't unbearable. I completed Day 3 of Week 3, and let me tell you, I'm so very tempted to go straight into Week 4. These 3-minute running intervals are a little too easy for my liking. It's a really, really weird feeling.

When 3 minutes was up, I could keep running.

What?

No0o ...

I make myself stop. I don't want to get ahead of myself and wind up being disappointed. Granted, I am taking smaller, slower strides during these 3-minute runs, but still. Blowing my mind.

I'm going to do Week 3 at least one more time before doing the stupid thing and moving up a week.

By the way, today I saw a picture of myself from about a year ago. I'm in a very sleeveless top and holy cow, my wings are flapping in the wind! Being fat since I was little has provided me with the flappy arms of an 80-year-old woman. Only my flappy wings have fat in them and aren't just skin.

(How's that appetite? Good?)

Anyway, I'm happy to announce, my arms aren't that big anymore! YAY!

Wait. Enough celebrating, because they are most definitely NOT in a good place now. Just better than before. I'll find out how much in two weeks.

Two weeks. What's in two weeks?

Oh, I don't know ...

Maybe THE BEGINNING OF BOOT CAMP!

Omigod, time to start freaking out. Two weeks, people! Two weeks until I'm up at 5 a.m. and sweating profusely outside by 5:30 a.m. Then, I will continue to be beet red and sweaty until approximately 6 p.m. when I walk into my air conditioned apartment later that day. Why? Because I don't cool down quickly, people. Not at all, in fact. Better yet, I just scheduled two vacation days from work during boot camp. Which means I'll be up at 5 a.m. on my two days off. Geeeeniuuuuus!

Okay, you got me. Truth is, I'm scared. And I feel like whining about it.

Excuse me while I curl up in a ball on the floor and suck my thumb.

I know, I know ... it's hard but it's doable and I'm such a strong person and I'll be awesome at it and I'll feel awesome and what a great opportunity.

Groan. Where's my blankie?

Excuses, Excuses ... and Meet My Park

Happy Saturday morning, readers!

First, I’d like to apologize for my poor showing so far. As I’m sure happens with many ambitious bloggers, I started with a bang, full of hope for my little plot of websphere, and quickly fizzled out. Well, I have an excuse: I’m moving this month – more specifically next weekend – and I’m a bit preoccupied. I got the keys to my new place this week and I just can’t keep myself away. I love the new place so much that my poor little running habit has been packed away in one of the moving boxes and I’ve had some trouble finding it. Well, I found it this morning; it was packed in the same box as my grasp on reality and the cat nip. Wouldn’t you know it, my blogging commitment was also in there. Geesh.

Anyway, this is the perfect opportunity for me to share a little more about myself:

I’m a rationalizer, an excuse maker, and an abandoner.

Usually these nasty character traits only rear their heads when I’m dreading something. For example, there was a time (most of my life, actually) when I didn’t like to exercise. Shocker! I’d rationalize not going to the gym by saying, “It’s not like the gym is helping me at all,” or “Skipping step aerobics isn’t going to make me gain weight.” I’d skip a workout with excuses like sore muscles, menstrual cramps, lack of sleep, a broken fingernail, or a happy hour with friends. Then I’d get frustrated at all my excuses and lose hope of getting back on track because of all my skipped workouts, and finally, I’d give up. A perfect example: I once signed a three-year contract for a gym and only used about 9 months worth. I’ll get into that more later.

Here’s the difference this time around: I’m enjoying running. The excuses I make now just make me sad and more eager to lace up and hit the pavement next time. I actually encountered this phenomenon with my step class; I liked the workout, I liked the cheesy ‘80s music, I liked my classmates and I hated missing class. (I’ll talk more about step class in later entries. Bottom line is it’s fun and a great workout.)

There is a significant problem with skipping a few running workouts that I didn’t experience with step aerobics. Missing a run really sets me back in my progress: I feel like I have to go backwards to continue moving forward. Skipping a step class meant I didn’t get better, but I certainly didn’t lose progress by missing one workout. Skipping a run means it'll be all the more difficult to complete the same interval next time, let alone increase intensity, as dictated by C25K.

Speaking of C25K, I finished my first round of Week 2. (Week 2: 5-minute warm-up walk, then alternate 90 seconds of jogging with 2 minutes of walking for 20 minutes, then cool down walk for 5 minutes.) This one kicked my butt, and I’m already planning on at least another two bouts with this “week.” It’s hard. I struggle to finish the 90 seconds of jogging, especially since it always seems to happen on a hill.

I’m running at a local park. I basically grew up at this park. I played softball there for 10 years, skinned my knees on its sidewalks, got the wind knocked out of me by falling off the jungle gym, got sand in my shoes and hair and eyes, received electro-shock therapy from the static generated by the friction of the slides, flew kites in its muddy fields, pretended to play tennis on its courts, and sweated all over every blade of grass within its fences. Ah, the memories…. Truly, I do love it there. It’s home, and what better place to embarrass myself as I learn to run?

Anyway, the run/walk/bike path is a mile long, which allows for convenient distance measurements, and it meanders up and down a seemingly slight hill. Somehow, no matter where I start running, the C25K dude being piped through my iPhone headphones always manages to tell me to run up the same friggin’ hill. It’s a gradual incline and lasts for approximately 90 seconds of my running speed. Perfect. Geesh.

The beastly hill at Juilfs Park

At least I’ve made it every time so far, mostly because my ability to talk myself into things is quite strong. (Unfortunately it’s not a strong as my ability to talk myself out of things, but it’s still strong, nonetheless.) I purposefully quicken my breath and start leaning forward as I approach the hill. That seems to help a bit. It doesn’t help the craaaazy shin splints that I can’t seem to escape, but it helps with momentum and breath control. (Shin splints will be a recurring theme and, again, I’ll talk about them later.)

Go ahead and throw 100 – 150 extra pounds of weight on your shoulders and see how your legs and lungs feel after running uphill for 90 seconds. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Ha!

So back to what I was saying: I’ll be repeating Week 2 a few times, I’m sure. I just need to stay on track with my workouts. It’s going to become increasingly important that I stick to a three-times-a-week regimen as the weather gets warmer, too. Ugh, even thinking about running during a Cincinnati summer brings flashbacks to high school gym class and that one dreadful year of “summer gym.” I can feel my chest clogging with humidity now. Gack! Cough! Heave!

Excuse me. Ahem.

So, huge blog. Sorry. I just have so much to fill you in on, and I will. I must learn to balance background information with current affairs. Oh, and since you’ve been introduced to my excuse-making habits, please, please, please call me out on it. If you see me drifting toward rationalization and abandonment, don’t let me get away with it. Please and thank you.

Progress report: I'm finishing 2 miles in about 28:40 (1:20 left on my 30-minute workout when I finish the second mile). So that's a 14:20 1-mile pace, right? Hmm, better than high school. Interesting.