Accomplished But Easily Discouraged

How could I possibly be discouraged at this point in the game? After all I've accomplished since March and all the changes in my body (whether or not they are visible to anyone but me is questionable) over the last 4 weeks, how could I think negatively of my success.

Well, I can.

I'll get to it in a bit though. First, I'll bring a bit of good news to the table.

Ta da!

ABC Linda picked me as the most improved camper at this past session of Adventure Boot Camp. One, I felt terrible because another camper was talking to me while the awards were being handed out. I didn't even get to hear what ABC Linda was saying to me. I should have asked her to zip it for a minute, but, of course, I didn't. Oh well, I think I know what she probably said, which brings me to point two: There's only one way to go from the bottom. Yeah, I improved over the four weeks (less that I would have liked because of the summer yuck and two injuries), but I think it's more about the stark contrast between my first day of camp and the remaining days. Night and day.

Anyway, I'm extremely honored to get the award and I'll be eternally grateful for the whole experience and for the guidance I got from ABC Linda. Truthfully, I almost had a girly crying moment when I heard my name and jumped up to get the certificate. It was a touching moment for me--an ending, I guess, and endings always get me a little emotional. And, like any graduation ceremony, it's a beginning as well. Now I actually have to do this on my own. Yikes!

Now it's time for a promotional message.

Do it.

If you ever have the chance to participate in Adventure Boot Camp, another boot camp, or any other kind of intense workout situation like it, DO IT. It's great. It's hard and it's sweaty and it's miserable at times, but it's so gratifying. There is no better way to start your day and no better way to kick start--well, anything. Seriously, I learned some life lessons from ABC that could be applied anywhere. I did a lot of talking with and yelling at myself during ABC, and it's similar yet different to the kind of inner conversations I have with myself when I'm running.

So yes, ABC was very much a personal experience, but there are also others there who are going through similar and drastically different things at the same time. They're a support group without being in your face. They grunt and groan along with you when you just can't hold that friggin' plank any longer. They turn around after they've finished their mile so they can cheer you on as you trudge across the finish line. They show care and concern for a camper who's thrown her knee out while completing a jog. They tease about staging a coup against the trainer who's saying "One more time, ladies!" They yell out "I need some Depends to do jumping jacks--don't forget to do your Kegels ladies!" There are no (at least not in my experience) group hugs or cheesy motivational speeches--just women working hard at the same time. Here are my fellow boot campers (though I think some might be missing):

And a little closer ...

I'm the biggun' in the middle.

If you know me at all, you know I'm not an ooey-gooey girly girl who goes on and on about inspiration and the lovey-dovey-ness of having support and inspiration and--stuff. But, it did mean a lot to have this group of women with me every morning. I guess I just really appreciated the shared struggle and triumph of it all. It's like teamwork without ever really working as a team. Strange phenomenon, really.

Changing gears a bit ... let's talk about numbers.

First, the good ones. Friday was our second timed mile and timed push-up test. I shaved a whopping 10 seconds off my mile (12:54 ... though I'm convinced that could have been better without all my stupid health hurdles this month) and doubled the number of push ups (I did 10 instead of 5). The push ups number still isn't very impressive, I know, but I have some high hopes based on how I felt doing them. While I still let myself come all the way to the ground in between reps, I brought myself lower before letting loose. I also didn't arch my back when I pushed up. I kept my core tight, as ABC Linda encouraged us to do, and was able to stay fairly straight from my knees up. Not bad, not bad. I'm a little disappointed in the mile though ... Meh.

And on to more disappointment. Saturday morning I went to get my post-evaluation with the ABC folks. I did find my measurement card from my previous gym, though I wish I hadn't. I've said it from the moment I was measured by the trainers at that gym and I'll say it again--they have NO idea what they're doing there. Every trainer measured me in different places and every one of them got different numbers. Talk about a roller coaster of results. I have complete faith in the trainers of ABC though, and their ability to do it right. That being said, the measurements they took on Saturday did not boost my morale one bit.

My weight is down. From the old gym's scale to the ABC scale (who knows if the old gym's scale was high or low), I've lost 11.2 pounds. According to my home scale, it's about 20; doctor's office #1 to doctor's office #2, 17 pounds. Work scale to work scale, about 8 pounds. Take your pick.

So, that's the most reliable number I have. Oh, and the bust measurement, because how hard is it to mess that one up, right? (Down 1 inch.) And the arm might be close to correct, too, at negative 1.25 inches. According to the measurements, I've only lost an inch in my upper leg and a half inch in my hips, but I'm so super confident those numbers are bigger. I can tell by how my clothes fit, and I can just tell. There are some things you just know.

So, the trainer that measured me on Saturday heard the whole story of the idiot gym trainers and I told her the different ways they measured and she was sympathetic. She told me to not be discouraged by the numbers because it's hard to compare the two sets. But, I'm pretty sure "Don't be discouraged" is the most discouraging sentence in the English language.

I am discouraged. And for that reason, I'm going to ignore these kinds of measurements for a good long while. I'm going to focus on the things that I can measure much more accurately.

• For example, I can measure how much better I felt about myself in this dress on the day I wore it to my friend Alison's wedding, versus the day I bought it, versus how I would have felt wearing it a year ago.

Smokin' huh? Ha!
Three cheers for the sideways, busty pose and for Adrienne's photography skills.

• I can measure how quickly I'm beginning to progress through the C25K program (I'm pretty sure I'm only going to do Week 3 one more time before bumping up to Week 4).
  
• I can measure how much longer I can handle being out of breath.
  
• I can measure how long I can run before stopping.
  
• I can measure how I can start running after taking increasingly shorter breaks.
  
• I can measure how my pants keep falling down and how my muffin tops are getting a wee bit smaller.
  
• I can measure the diminishing rolls on my back (nice thought, no?).
  
• I can measure the rarity of shin splints these days.
• I can measure how many friggin' push ups I can do in a minute.
• I can measure how much I hate to miss a run, not because I feel guilty, but because I just like doing it.
• I can measure people's reactions when they see me after not seeing me for a while.

So yeah, I like those measurements better. Who needs a tape measure anyway?